Uni Dayzzz

Again it's 9.00 o'clock class this morning. Tomorrow will be on the same early class but fortunately not tight schedule 4- 6 hous of classes and plus, a replacement class on this
firday. Still thinking whether to go home this weekend after the replacement class or not. Hehee... will be known by then.

After class, came bk to had lunch. Cooked a chicken soup and I thought I bought chicken + muchroon soup and was wondering why I couldn't find a single piece of mushroom in it and only I know it's chicken soup. Haih.... Buy stuff also buy wrong luckily the taste still acceptable but without mushrooms, it's imperfect. Heheee.... yea... I like mushroom a lot a lot and was wondering to buy additional mushroom to add into the soup when I cook it again. I think it'll be even better in that way!

Today, class ends at 1.00 pm and started dramaing till almost 4.00 pm. Trying to download journals from the web but it's not loading successfully, have to reload again and again. Need to find time to print all of them out again. When i see journal i see stars on my head!! I really dislike reading all those ppl's work which i never can understand completely what they are telling!

Looking at all the books copied lying around my room. Really don't have any motivation to go open them and read line by line, understand them and remember them. Although is a 12 weeks sem but it seems time flies. Time is not enough. Anyhow, am going to complete my degree pretty soon.

This Wednesday there'll be a career fair held in my uni. Will be there for a walk and look see around. Jobs are hard to get and it's same for employed ppl for jobs are no longer secured in this economy down turn! Good luck to the global economy. It'll need time to recover. What job will I end up with??

Whatever it is... hope everyone's day will be fine and enjoyable!!!

Day off Wednesday!

Again... Wednesday, day off!! no class......

Once woke up today, went to Midvalley to meet Jing. So ngam!! Reach at the same time almost! Traffic is extremely smooth and parkings are fairly easy to find!! Syok!!! Since collecting results, have not been in such relaxing like today. In this very short time, it's not so easy to pull back my results and hence, I chose to face it the easy way. Things' yours, it's urs.... If it's not, don't force. Whenever there is hope, there is dissapointment so... let it be.... don't ask too much. I think this is what my life is teaching me. Do whatever you feel like... of course, not too much, not overboard... let the concequence be it! In that way, you may not be the MOST successful people, but you WILL be happy! Aha! I wonder how much people will think so and will actually do so?? Ha

Talking back about today, I finally get to apply PADINI member card.... Hehe.... bought a shirt with the RM 10 cash voucher, went to starbucks for the very expensive coffee (once a while only) but today there's a new staff and I think he got something wrong. Guess what? The price of the coffee... as a result, we paid amount of the smallest sized coffee for the largest sized one! Haha!!! This actually happened. Before starbucks, not to forget to mention our lunch on korean cuisine... it's hot and spicy... delicious.... After that, were walking around, planning to shop for slippers or high heels but but but.... it's either no size or not feel like it! Ha! at the end, each of us got ourselves a shirt at PDI!!!

After the coffee break, planned to go to connaught Pasar Malam (Night Market). This market no longer give us surprise... it's the same for all the time. Ate a little junk food there and bought hand bags which are cheap... haha.... it's fun to walk at nite market... crowded... hot... enjoy...fun.... hehe... not all people go to nite market , not all people like it and if you go with someone, go with someone that like it! If not, there'll be no fun! Although there is not much stuff that attract us but still we go! Going with a fren like that is always fun!

Oh yea.... forgot about something that should be mentioned!!! After the coffee break at starbucks of 2 hours at Borders, the Gardens, we walked back to Midvalley visiting souvenier shops and so on waiting to set off to cheras at 6. Finally, when it's time to go, moving towards the car and guess what?? My keys... no longer with me... not in my pocket, not in the handbag, not with Jing (impossible), not in those plastic bags.... SWEAT!!! for both of us!! Where had it gone??? The first palce that come to mind, STARBUCKS!!! Very quicky walking.... from Midvalley parking back to the top floor of the Gardens... moving to the very end in Borders... back to the seat..... YEA!!! it's there!!! Phew... haha... Lucky me!! Lucky Jing!! Lucky both of us!!! How should I keep the keys so that it wouldn't fall out when i seat down and what's the best way to put it so that it will carry the least risk of losing it??!

Heheee.. overall it's fun! Ha... Not much chance that we can meet like that in future.... finishing uni studies soon.... don't know where will everyone be at that time le!! Will definitely miss the fun here BUT not the fun of studying... studying never make me happy! Maybe all students will say so but those hating feeling just can't be desicibe in be!!! Wakakaka.... always say dun like to study but then keep on continuing study!!!

Tomorrow going home.... haha... not studying again le!! Too lazy for me to do so ar??? Really don't know la!!! LET IT BE..........

Heheeee!!!!!!!

Today,, everything it's clear of my mind... unhappiness.... You'll be in the past!!! Yea... see open le la.... I should go back and be my original self.... there's nothing bad to be ordinary!

Jing ar.... haha... i know you dunno how to 安慰 me..... so far, I've went through all these ups and downs le la.... time needed to recover is not that long de.... no worries.... I know you sure will accompany me one coz you need me too!!!!! wahahaha,.... dun angry la!!! haha.... what you said is true... that's what friend for.... u teman me, i teman you when either needs it! We share whatever that can be shared!!! That's good..... But now it's you.... your mood seems like going up and down for so long a period le.... I understand what you feel de.... and I even told you that I know you need time for recovery.... but dun like that la..... why are you still at that point... try more harder to move forward!!! You have more more more to go for.... I think you heard a lot but it's hard though!!.... k la... dun want to haunt you will all these repeating phrases le la..... I give yo streght and confidence!!! you can do it de!!!!

Haih!! today choose opetional module already!! dunno it's the right one to go for or not. Avoding journals reading subjects but still have lots to read!!! Want to change to consistent studying??? emmmm... that's hard and will definitely put me into more stress and things turn out worst + worst + infinite worst!!! hehe..... I had not work under pressure before and I know under pressure... i'll kill myself and not going to move further le!!!!

Heheeee..... mayb just need to start revising earlier than previous la..... and i need luck actually!!!!! hope lecturers are generous, hope question is not tricky, hope what i read will be remmebered... hope i will gain my confidence again and so on........

Wahahahah!!!!!!!! Sot le la me!!!!

Sob sob....

Result is out last thursday before I went back home..... that's such a shock of my life..... it's bad and worse!!!! Can't hold my tears for the whole journey back, driving alone....

These 2 days, am looking for tonnes of reason to take a relief and forget about that thing. Trying very very hard!!! Till now, am still trying..... it's so hard....

Today, I come bk from my hometown le.... no one was here when i reach... on the way, chatting with Kai Zhi in the car... yea... dropping him off on the way back here....

Just no mood.... very no mood.... I dunno what i can do to come out from the no mood... Lost!!!

Over the 2 days, was chatting with frens on9 about my unhappiness.... there's a lot of encouragements.... I wish alll the bad things are over and I can be me again!!!!

我怎么了??

习惯讲华语, 今天的心情和心事让我有口难言, 也不知道怎样用英语去形容了.
第一次用华语写部落各真的很配合现在的心情, 慢慢的......
翘课一星期,一切都变了. 朋友做不成就说出来啊, 不必在背后这样做小动作. 心拿出来交朋友换来的是什么呢? 你们说是我多想了, 是通讯出问题, 是我转牛角尖了, 是以场误会, 该把它忘了....
或许吧...... 这毛病又回来了.....什么都觉得是问题..... 把不是问题的变成问题..... 这是我的病吧
! 不知道什么时候开始, 这病就会并发, 我不能控制它, 让它变本加厉的, 把身边的事与人都弄糟了.今天真的很想忍着感受不过还是失败了... 不管我怎么说服知己说只是小事,一场误会, 可是就是不知道为什么脑里就会呈现一个有一个理由来推翻说服自己的话然后忍不住就开口说了不爽的话... 很直接... 这好象就回不了头了. 有时候真的很讨厌自己这样的, 可是就一直是这样.... 脑里在打架吗? 好和坏的念头都在吵.
也该承认吧分手后再见,再同车,同步,同台吃饭, 感觉真的没有很好, 甚至想避开这些场合. 我知道,避不了, 在这里朋友太少了. 现在应该说没有朋友了吧.
最近也太克了吧.... 翘课一星期, 看了很多戏, 好轻松, 可是家里却来了一场冷战, 不知什么引起的.问题在哪里?? 面对这样的事, 我不知道可做什么. 好不容易熬过冷漠的气氛回到学校,想着下次回去事,一切都恢复正常.回到来,家的门锁换了,家里没人,等了半天,还好都找到室友借锁匙.回来的第二天,心情没有很好的再碰到朋友都印书了,没我的份,不爽到极点了.说了伤人的话. 想想好象真的是我错可是就是那坏念头又打掉这想法了. 找朋友吐苦水了,并没有好一点,感觉事情是我复杂化了. 是吗? 我错在没有问他们? 他们错在没问我? 什么嘛????
睡不着了,想着我这到底是什么怪物,突然把人想成好的,下一秒又想成坏了.不是别人边了,是我"不见了", 找不到自己了. 没有清晰的思路了. 他们不是这样的,可是我有我的理由把他们想成这样.我是怎样了?? 告诉朋友事情的经过,朋友都说他们有不对. 是真的吗? 我没错吗? 理论上他们给我的理由都可以是理由可是也可以是事实.到底是怎样的?
停下来,我是清醒的,感觉上他们不是不要我这朋友了可是那坏理念又出现了.我的定力去那里了?信心跑哪里去了?对别人和自己的信任去哪里了?我迷路了吗?正确轨道在哪里?
我跟朋友的感情都不会很好除了一两个了.以前把心事都收在心里,身边的人都觉得和我有距离了所以朋友都很少.现在我会把心事说出来所以身边找回一两个交心的朋友.
把这文章写得好象把自己的错补上了理由,又好象是真的这样.写得好象没有错可是感觉上就觉得是错.现在是怎样?? 我怎么了?? 身边对我不离不弃的朋友都支持我.珍惜的....
快毕业了,以后是什么打算??不知道...现在希望能考得过关吧.没能力去想未来了.眼前一大堆的问题...不知何去何从的.快疯了!!! 失恋都没有不好受,反而开心了,怎么这却过不去呢? 哈! 太多事情了吧. 我是怎样??我不是迷失了吗,还会自我安慰?? 美婷, 你去那里了??初步人格分列吗?? 忧郁症吗?会不会把我那一两个朋友都吓跑了呢???想太多了吧! 可是又好象是这样! 啊啊啊啊啊!!!!!!!!! 疯掉了!! 朋友,你曾有这样的感觉吗?? 我还正常吗??这感觉一点都不舒服! "你累了啦,休息吧!" 嗯..... 我又怎样了??
也够克的... iPod 坏掉了..... 心快碎了!!!
不管怎样, 愿我的朋友都心想事成, 一切顺利! 让一切不开心随风而去! 待雨过天晴了!!!!!

Holidays + CNY

After my very stressful exam, I had one week sem break and followed by a CNY break and PLUS one week self declared CNY holiday! CNY is as usual for all my years, going back to ipoh and relatives visiting My house. Nothing special!

After most of my schoolmates return to their studies, there's really no one left here till weekend! Haha. Enjoying my drama-ing life at home from morning till nite non stop! NICE! FANTASTIC! Anyhow, holiday is gonna over, got to return to uni where the place I don't feel like it! Seeing ppl that are more or less the same, bringing tonnes of unwanted memory.... Haha.... suddenly had this feeling.... had I ever chose a wrong course? wrong uni? wrong friend? Haha.... Anyway, it's going to be over. School days are going to end pretty soon and perhaps I'll miss all the times when I was studying when I go out to work in this bad economy time. It'll be a tough time for many ppl, unemployment rates increases and pp keep saying "accountants" do not lose their job and still are in a demand world wide!

At home feeling better when they are not at home. I wonder why they are speechless when they are in the same space, that makes me feel helpless. I know he is tired from work and I know she is tired of something. But why can't they tell?? Don't i have a right to know what's going on?? Haih.... Wat should I do?? Anyhow, situation are improving but the cool responses in a conversation is never easy to take. You'll feel it if you were here. Come on! I'm no longer a 3 year old girl and that you can try to hide somthing that is obvious. It's not that if you pretend to be nothing, it will seem nothing! It's definitely obvious! I thought of the worst case scenario and I dare not forecast further! I want to built trust that you will get it settle and solve by time and I believe you will take care of what we need! Now, I'm doing nothing although I know there's something wrong! If ever I would wanna do something, what should I do? what should I say to melt the ice between you?? You have feelings and anger to release and I definitely can understand provided that I know where does the wind come from! It's unfair for me to feel everything blindly, worried of something I don't know! Why can't communication be improved here? I'm not talkative and is used to be not that perfect in communication. You actually blamed me for my communication skill! But what about you? You are not doing any better than me... Ya, you can hide ur anger infront of ppl, you are able to hold your words but why would ever u need to hold them when it's not necessary if communication is efficient?? You start to think something that's not true to be true. That's mean of communication which you emphasised and why are you not powering it? Haih.... since Monday, I have been regreting to skip class and stay at home! Is it that everytime I stay at home something bad will just happened? Why am I always made to face such situation where you know I wouldn't do anything and say anything. And the only thing to do is to avoid.... going out of home miggle with friends and not stay at home as much as possible.... It's not a good sign ok??

my 3 weeks started with a smile and ended with tears.... why?? Haih!!! What's the problem now?? who is at fault now? You? You? I don't know and I will never know. Problems here happen by itself and end by itself and there's no third party that will know what exactly happened unless you tell! Why would you encorage this type of practise here? All my wishes to bless you to solve problem as soon as possible. Ya, I'm self centered. I want a peace and happy envronment where i live in and I do not like problems! You do not like it too I know and I undersand, problems can't be avoided so I hope it can be solved! Hope I can really end my holiday with a simle and not tears!!! Who will understand me now? Do you know what feeling it is?? There's no words to describe! It's even harder to descibe than to describe a feeling between lovers! All the best! GAMBATE!!!!!!